Tag Archives: friendship

Double standard: friends and boyfriends

I recently had a conversation with a friend about a mutual friend of ours. I told her that I was feeling a little shafted in the relationship, that I didn’t think she was making as much effort to stay in touch and maintain our friendship. Her response was that I shouldn’t worry because she knew for a fact that this friend loved me and valued me. And so I was placated.

But only for a moment. Because when I thought about it deeper, I wondered what that really meant. Did she know this just because this friend had said so? Because my recent experiences have been that the friend is willing to say she misses me and wants to hang out more, etc. But when it comes down to it, there’s no follow through. And words just seem like words when there are no actions to add meaning to them. What kind of a friendship is that really?

And then I thought back to times when friends had questioned someone I was dating, or vice versa. “Why are you with him.” Because he loves me. “But is that enough?”

Is it?

I know very few women who would accept a man for themselves or their friends who said that he loved her, but never showed it or followed through. We don’t stand for boys who cancel plans last minute, or don’t make them at all. We rage at text messages that go unanswered for more than a few hours. So why should we accept these behaviors in our friendships? Surely they carry as much weight, if not more, than a romantic relationship.

“Bros before hoes” and “chicks before dicks”. We’re told to value friends over partners. So I’m going to expect just as much from a friend as I would from a partner.

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